goodbye
2002-03-17 2:35 p.m.
--->my new sn BORDER="0" alt="you love me you know you do">
Okay let me start off by saying this is my last entry in THIS diary, i am going to get a new one. Why, you may ask well its a long story and most of the parts you have to be really spiritual to believe. As you may or may not know for the past week i have been having trouble sleeping, well the people in my church told me to look in my room for some symbols so i did. Guess what i filled up 2 really big trash bags with all the stuff that i threw away because they had some things about the devil in them. I found 666 in sailor moon cards (in some of there poses look at the hair VERY carefully and trust me you WILL find it there)Also i figured out the way i singed “ills” i found out the s that i was making was the “s” devil symbol.
Then i find out the book that i was reading about had a couple of pages that were making fun of god, so last night i started reading passages i put it away and i started watching TV and when i was going to bed i got this really creepy feeling and i felt like i needed to get out of my room i was planing on going on the internet or something. I went to the door and i found that i couldn't open it, the door was stuck and i was like freaking out and i finally got it open i went to the bathroom i was so scared that i couldn't even close the door while i was peeing. Your probably didn't want to know that. Anyway i went to my mom room woke her up and i just started to cry.
Now people that really know my should know that i only cry when i am really depressed and i NEVER get THAT scared, but anyway i went to my mom's room i laid with her in bed and she started to pray for me, while she was doing that i started to hear stuff i had to close all the doors because that is how scary it was. My mom started to hear things at the window like banging noises like someone was flapping something on there. Anyway after like 30 min it went away and i felt better and i went to sleep. When i awoke this morning i couldn't even go in my room, but last night i saw where some of the things i missed were and most of them were under my bed so i am waiting for the girls to get here so i can go clean it out, but its really hard i find myself not being able to even step foot in my room. Now when i saw these things i saw this diary in there and so i decided to rid of it i am sorry if you don't like me anymore because of this.
You may think i am crazy or stupid and i know some of you don't believe in god and everything but i am leaving i am probly going to post up the link to my new diary at the bottom of this entry later on, but most likely i won't get it for a long time because the things that i am going thru right now are scaring me and i feel broken because of them and this feeling is haunting me so i must go.
I hope you don't think less of me or anything i am just trying to make myself feel okay again.
Oh anther thing is i am no longer bi.
lov you all,
Ills aka Ileana
last five entries:
goodbye - 2002-03-17
"Sorry" chappy 1 (my short story i've been working on) - 2002-03-15
dark and light love, what does that mean, is it a ridial that we aren't supposed to think about, hmm i don't know so i don't expect you to - 2002-03-15
back on the road of life its a careless road but it has many bumps and turns who knows where you'll stop - 2002-03-12
seeing you - 2002-03-12
